Why does almost every woman who has a blog feel it necessary to place the word bitch somewhere in its title? That was original the first time I saw it, but since then it has as much appeal as stinking cow crap; less actually.
Well at least one thing of interest occurred this weekend. I was checking one of my myriad email accounts when I stumbled into its address book. Usually, I don’t use the extra frills of email accounts, simply because it’s easier that way when you have to pick up and move on because the providers decide that everyone has had enough time to tie themselves down to that particular service by getting their data entangled in their special services. In this case, I was surprised to find that I had not only used the address book, but it had important email addresses in it. So I was able to contact one of my friends from high school who came back in town for the summer. The next day, he called me and we had a conversation. No biggie overall, but for me a godsend. I needed to talk to someone who I knew had no ulterior motive for being my friend. Like my sister snidely and so unknowingly truthfully remarked while I was on the phone with him, “I didn’t know you had any friends anymore.” Neither did I.
Why do I even bother? Rhetorical question. Everytime I reach out to people, show them who I really am, I get my heart ripped out. Some day, I’m going to need some intensive theraphy; rather, some day, I will be able to afford some intensive theraphy– I already need it. The thing about this latest wound of mine is it occurred on the Internet, with a fellow blogger. I thought the whole point of blogging is to be tolerant, to get to meet other people, see their differences, and learn to accept them for themselves. And in this case, I thought we built a pretty ok rapport. Oh well, back to not telling anyone anything. When will it end?
In case anyone noticed, in case anyone cares, that is why I haven’t been blogging lately. I’ve lost the taste for it.
Sometimes reading other people’s blogs can be an overwhelming experience. In my experience, the only blogs that are worth reading have that disorienting effect. It becomes easy to forget that you aren’t talking directly to that person, to forget the medium of the Internet. And in those moments, I think: so this is what it’s all about. Being able to communicate, not just in a public manner, but to share yourself. And it’s easy to misjudge just how much effort went into writing those blogs, blogs like ftrain.com or dooce.com. Not only did those authors have to open themselves up and risk saying something worth saying, they spent the time to do it right. All I can say is job well done. And someday, hopefully soon, I hope to join your ranks
I am trying to get serious with my goals now. So far I have about 4 computer related books to digest, not including TeX and METAFONT related material. On top of that, I’m reading the METAFONT book, and 5 of the 6-part series, TeX in Practice, and The Advanced TeXbook. I also have to teach myself 12 chapters of my physics book because the class I’m taking is a joke.
I don’t see how I can manage all that reading– at least not if, as I plan to, I read for retention. But in addition to my reading, I also want to do some real work on my website. I’m thinking of buying a domain name, and even paying for hosting! That’s how serious I am. The only thing holding me back is my inability to come up with a timeless name; I don’t want to register for a domain name that I end up hating several months later.
Of course, I also need to exercise. At least that is something I’ve started on. Every morning (almost), I persuade myself it’s in my best interest to do 140 situps and 30 pushups. Over time, that will increase. Now I just need to start running, and I think I’ll be getting adequate exercise. I remember when I was a little kid: running was something you did all the time, not something you had to force yourself to do. And when you ran, you had fun instead of counting the number of minutes you spent active. Ahh.. the good old days
&– end of this excerpt from my boring life &
I was reading “The Advanced TeXbook” by David Salomon (funny name: think Solomon, David’s grandson?). Anyhow, he spoke of where all the people who write books on TeX get their quotes from; he also mentioned James Joyce’s Finnegan’s Wake. Supposedly, that book has every word in the English language, and more. In searching for the text online, I stumbled across this quote, which is related in a strange way I don’t feel like exploring. Maybe I’ll add this to my quote db one day. It reminds me of Jorge Borges’ idea of textual cosmologies, and Protagoras’ statement that man is the measure of all things.
Talcott Parsons’ idea of glosses: A gloss is a total system of perception and language. For instance, this room is a gloss. We have lumped together a series of isolated perceptions–floor, ceiling, window, lights, rugs, etc.–to make a totality. But we had to be taught to put the world together in this way. A child reconnoiters the world with few preconceptions until he is taught to see things in a way that corresponds to the descriptions everybody agrees on. The world is an agreement. The system of glossing seems to be somewhat like walking. We have to learn to walk, but once we learn we are subject to the syntax of language and the mode of perception it contains.
Every now and again, I need a little dose of the original spirit of blogging. You know how it is: trying to maintain your own blog and provide interesting content, all at the same time– even if it is only for yourself and hence only need meet your pathetic standards– can be a real hassle. And then sometimes you see other people’s sites and think to yourself, is this what its all about? Foul language and dirty laundry lists? It can really make you wonder why you’ve committed yourself to effectively keeping a public journal that has no audience.
Anyhow, today I did a little blog-surfing which helped to raise my spirits. I once again have the spirit of blogging within me. I started my surfing @ blogsnob, and just followed the links. Ah, that was refreshing. Now I see the true usefulness of a blog directory.
And I recovered my blog muse just in time: MT 2.21 is out! With trackbacking! Woo hoo!
I just finished another typically boring physics class. Our professor’s egregious error today was to say that in an isolated system, the total momentum is 0, instead of the correct statement that in an isolated system the derivative of the total momentum is 0. What made it truly sad was that he continued the entire class without interrupting himself to make the necessary correction. Not that I expected him to, he never does.
So while he was doing his thing, I started to drift off. I rather like my physics book: what had annoyed me at first, the ubiquity of pedagogical examples, now seems useful. Because he has all those examples in there, the author seems to dedicate less time to going on and on about the core physical concepts. So if I need to, I can read an entire chapter, recieving the essential information, in less than an hour. And while I was doing that today, I started to once again consider switching over to a physics major, probably to do cosmology. And I wondered why I would even consider doing such a thing, when I know very well that physics is not really one of my interests.
Then, thanks to the professor’s little blunder, I realized what it is about physics that attracts me so: the subsumption of physical semantics into mathematical syntax. For example, by representing forces as vectors, you can use the vector principles to manipulate forces in ways that are (usually) physically meaningful, all without considering the underlying physical concepts apart from their vector representations. And this allows for one of my favorite things, generalization and extrapolation. For example, from the mathematical definition of a central force, we can deduce the properties of the gravitational and electrical forces.
I guess I would like mathematical physics for that reason. Actually, I know I would like mathematical physics. I enjoy reading about the latest supersymmetry theories. And one of my past times is reading about cosmology. I enjoy the way that the cosmologists make conjectures about the past and future of the universe based on nothing more concrete than the current mathematical model they subscript to. And they make such convincing arguments too!
I stayed up half an hour past my designated sleep-time of 12am to watch a special on Seal trainging, aka Basic Underwater Demolition Seal training, hence BUD/s.
Whenever I watch specials like that, I have two reactions. Awe and jealousy. Not the most sophisticated, I know, instead visceral and immediate. Awe because its like watching an episode of Xena: you get to see people transcending their limits, both mental and physical. Jealousy for the same reason– those limits that they transcend are reminders of your own limits, and you want to go out and conquer yourself in the same manner. Or, at least I do.
My conclusion was that I need to be fitter. Not that that wasn’t already obvious. 
Maybe I can arrange to get the training, without having to sign on…
