ChapterZero

I spent all day on math, so now for something completely different…

There are a couple of standard snacks that my mom taught me to make, and whenever I make them, I always wonder how other people prepare their versions. I think my mom’s recipe for tuna is the best I’ve come across– even most prepared tuna you can buy isn’t as good. It certainly beats Subway’s tuna, which lacks any kind of seasoning, hands down.

The ‘philosophy’ of her recipe is that tuna needs dressing up to bring out the flavor. The same way that you wouldn’t grind up chicken breasts and mayonnaise and serve it as chicken salad, you have to add some complementary ingredients to the tuna. There’s mayonnaise and the basic salt and black pepper of course, then in order of importance: lots of coarsely chopped onion, finely chopped green and/or red pepper, S-Bend hot sauce, and relish. Note the omission of any lemon– you’re dealing with some nasty tuna if you need to worry about it being so fishy that you have to cut it with lemon juice. Besides, lemon juice + mayonnaise = not so tasty.

The onion is important: it adds a sweetness to the tuna that helps a lot in reducing fishiness without destroying it (tuna that doesn’t taste some kind of fishy is an abomination), and when chopped coarsely, it adds texture and a juicy crunch. I usually prefer green pepper for tuna (and red for chicken salad, which I prepare much the same way, minus the relish); it has a strong flavor, so chopping it finely lets it become a part of the flavor melange without dominating it. S-Bend, the only hot sauce I use, is something I’ve never seen in the US; we usually bring up a big bottle of it everytime we visit Barbados. It’s a vinegar and bell pepper based mild hot sauce that goes great with just about anything– I add it to everything from eggs to meat sauces to tuna– and in this case, gives a kick that most tuna lacks. The relish is a strange choice, I certainly wouldn’t have thought of it myself, but it really works with tuna, as long as you don’t put in too much.

I’ve found that squeezing the hell out of the tuna with the can lid before decanting it makes for a better tuna salad; the reason is the same as when you make cole slaw: you want to get the water out so when you add the seasonings, especially the salt, it won’t turn into a porridge. So squeeze until you can’t get any more liquid out, then after the tuna’s in the bowl, crush all the chunks with a fork; the more surface area that’s exposed to the seasoning the better. Then, add the other stuff in, mix, and eat. The longer you let it sit, the better it gets.

Here’re the amounts of everything:

• 1 large can of tuna in water (tuna in *oil* seems so unnatural )
• 1.5 tablespoons of mayonnaise
• 1/2 a large onion (it really is hard to put too much onion in)
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1/4 of a medium green pepper
• 1 teaspoon of relish
• 1 tablespoon of S-Bend (all other hot sauces suck, as far as I can tell, so I have no idea of the kind of results substitutions would yield)

Yum!

Possibly relevant posts:

• Goat cheese, arugula, and chorizo (9/14/2008)
• Successful culinary experiments (9/30/2008)
• A daring dietary proposition (9/8/2008)